so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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