nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
