it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
two words: eviction party
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
God, I missed his penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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