i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
