Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
