The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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