Swine flu. Run for my life!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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