He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
