I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
