I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
