ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
