i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
