Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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