Umm I'm too high to move.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
