I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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