i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize