GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
