Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
