my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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