then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
