well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize