Your mouth is God's brothel.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
