i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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