Non-Jews are for practice
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
