Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
