I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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