Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
