feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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