So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
