I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
