I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
