you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize