Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
