i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
