yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
