I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
