good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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