ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
