If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize