I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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