I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
