WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
