I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
