We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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