I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
