My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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