everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I sprained my soul last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
