So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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