just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
