So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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