I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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