I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
