Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
