i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
