Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
