Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
