Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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