high people should be assigned attendants
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
