I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
