I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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