hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
