You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize