All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
