if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
