im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
