I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
