She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
