is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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