The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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