There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
