I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize