Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
