He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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