Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
