the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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