The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
