Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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