We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
