her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
