I wish I could teleport
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
