ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm too high and old for this...
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