Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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