The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
