Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
