Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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