Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize