Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
