I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
