If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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