Me too!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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