Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
