They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
