Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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