Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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