this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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